Alright. Well, I discovered a bit of new music for myself, and figured I'd share.
Black Mags by The Cool Kids
Guess I'll always be into old school rap
Love Song by Sara Bareilles
Say what you will. She's damn good.
The Girls by Calvin Harris
I actually heard this a few months back at a house party in Ireland. Fortunately it was on one of those music channels on cable, and I found out who/what it was.
All of these artists have great albums, except for the Cool Kids, who don't have an album out yet.
Enjoy.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Saturday, December 22, 2007
They'll Serve Anybody to ANYBODY!
A few of my friends were thinking about going to the college football National Championship in New Orleans. They were e-mailing their conversation about the trip to quite a few of us, in case we wanted to join them. Luckily, my buddy Eric was also receiving the e-mails, and came up with this fool-proof travel plan. I thought it was pretty funny:
I love it. He should really get into the travel business.
you can email this to the people that you are talking to. it isnt necessary for me to get this
but since you did, i assume you want my input, so I'll give it to you.
I suggest that you all drive down in john's car on the 4th. get there on the 5th, find a shrimp boat and buy it, in cash, from a old dying Cajun fisherman. From there, go to a voodoo store, aquire 2 newt eyes, a mandrake root, a 6er of natty ice, and a Jack Johnson CD.
On the 6th, to complete the recipe for the magic spell, you will need the blood of an innocent...
take 4 hits of peyote...
cya in a few weeks... maybe...
I love it. He should really get into the travel business.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Spelling...
When I was in fifth or sixth grade, there were some kids down my street who were at least four years older than me. Regardless of the age difference, we were pretty good friends. They were brothers and my brother and I hung out a lot.
The older of the two was into bowling, so much so that it became our weekend ritual. Cut me some slack, I was in sixth grade. Anyways, a few of his friends came with us the one night.
I guess this guy thought it was funny to name his friend "whore." Now, I was young and impressionable, but even I knew the gist of the word. That's not the problem, though. The problem was that he spelled it like so: "Hore."
Are you fucking kidding me? I'm four years younger, and not even in high school, and even I know how to spell "whore."
New rule: If you want to insult someone, learn how to spell the insult at hand first.
I hate morons.
The older of the two was into bowling, so much so that it became our weekend ritual. Cut me some slack, I was in sixth grade. Anyways, a few of his friends came with us the one night.
I guess this guy thought it was funny to name his friend "whore." Now, I was young and impressionable, but even I knew the gist of the word. That's not the problem, though. The problem was that he spelled it like so: "Hore."
Are you fucking kidding me? I'm four years younger, and not even in high school, and even I know how to spell "whore."
New rule: If you want to insult someone, learn how to spell the insult at hand first.
I hate morons.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Jazzy Jeff Still Has A Career
You learn something new everyday.
Here's his new music video, which isn't half bad. Too bad he isn't teaming up with Will Smith again, but if he did, I'm sure the sheer awesomeness would destroy the universe and make zubaz pants cool again.
The intro is chock full of awesome Fresh Prince references. And by "chock full of" I mean one or two.
Here's his new music video, which isn't half bad. Too bad he isn't teaming up with Will Smith again, but if he did, I'm sure the sheer awesomeness would destroy the universe and make zubaz pants cool again.
The intro is chock full of awesome Fresh Prince references. And by "chock full of" I mean one or two.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Monday, November 5, 2007
I'm Up For Some Philanthropy
www.nygirlofmydreams.com
Help this guy out, NYC. Oh, the times this has happened to me are innumerable. If only I'd been so creative. Good luck to him.
Friday, October 26, 2007
New Blood on Falcon Turf
This has got to be the most embarrassing thing to happen to this kid, ever. The 80s were ridiculous.
Best line: "You're gonna look like cooked spaghetti." or "After we kill him, strip him down"
Best line: "You're gonna look like cooked spaghetti." or "After we kill him, strip him down"
Monday, October 22, 2007
Terrible.
I'm a terrible person.
Joe Theismann's viscious leg break set to Hallelujah as performed by Rufus Wainright. Compiled by yours truly.
Joe Theismann's viscious leg break set to Hallelujah as performed by Rufus Wainright. Compiled by yours truly.
God I Rule At Tony Hawk
The latest from the guys (and gals) at CH. This one was written by Jake Hurwitz and Sarah Schneider, and it amazing.
It's really difficult to pick a favorite part, so I'll just let you watch it.
It's all just so good.
It's really difficult to pick a favorite part, so I'll just let you watch it.
It's all just so good.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Ehhhh... LeBron
LeBron decided to support Cleveland. He flip-flops. I don't trust him.
I think we're jinxed now.
I'm not that big of a basketball fan, but I think I can be pissed at him until the season starts.
I think we're jinxed now.
I'm not that big of a basketball fan, but I think I can be pissed at him until the season starts.
!!!
It's really hard to discuss the band !!! with people. Let me explain:
The band says its pronounced "chk chk chk," but it doesn't make it easier to describe to anyone who hasn't heard of the band. I was explaining to a friend that anyone you tell would think the name is "chick chick chick" and not "!!!" Anyways, here is my new foolproof way to describe them.
Me: Hey, have you ever heard of chk chk chk?
Random Person: No. That's a cool name though, "chick chick chick." Is it a bunch of girls?
M: No, you misunderstand. The name is chk chk chk.
RP: That's what I said.
M: No, the name is "CAT!!!" without the "cat."
RP: Okay, so their name is an exclamation point?
M: Again, no. Listen closely: CAT!!!
RP: Oh, three exclamation points. Bitchin', I think I'll check them out.
Thanks for the confusing conversations you've caused, !!!.
The band says its pronounced "chk chk chk," but it doesn't make it easier to describe to anyone who hasn't heard of the band. I was explaining to a friend that anyone you tell would think the name is "chick chick chick" and not "!!!" Anyways, here is my new foolproof way to describe them.
Me: Hey, have you ever heard of chk chk chk?
Random Person: No. That's a cool name though, "chick chick chick." Is it a bunch of girls?
M: No, you misunderstand. The name is chk chk chk.
RP: That's what I said.
M: No, the name is "CAT!!!" without the "cat."
RP: Okay, so their name is an exclamation point?
M: Again, no. Listen closely: CAT!!!
RP: Oh, three exclamation points. Bitchin', I think I'll check them out.
Thanks for the confusing conversations you've caused, !!!.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
The BoSox Are Next.
The Tribe finally won their ALDS series last night. And to think, I was skeptic of Eric Wedge pitching Byrd last night.
(This is the first good thing to happen to Ohio in a long time).
p.s. Everything is cooler in a three-piece suit.
(This is the first good thing to happen to Ohio in a long time).
p.s. Everything is cooler in a three-piece suit.
Friday, October 5, 2007
If you were there, beware
Being alone in England is fun, but having uncles there is more fun. Case in point: my last day in England.
It started pretty normal for me, waking up at half past twelve with an awful hangover (I'd been drinking for two weeks straight) and no motivation. I knew I'd be going to a 'barbie' with one of my uncles, so I had a quick breakfast and my uncle picked me up and we were off.
I had met the guy who owned the place the night earlier. He can put a pint back like nothing, but I'm in my prime. He looks like your average Englishman: glasses, stout, mid-30s, but a cool guy nonetheless. He had a bar in his garage, a nice one at that.
Well, my uncle, this fella and a few other guys were drinking by 1:30 and the food was ready by 3, so it was your average barbecue. But this went on well into the night. We drank until at least midnight, and when it goes on that long, you're just going to want more.
The time to leave came, and I was begging my uncle to go to another pub or a club, anywhere that I could grab another pint. He was dressed in his finest swim trunks and flip-flops, so he had to decline. He did tell me he'd drop me off at the Irish Club near where I was staying, though.
So the taxi dropped me off, his parting words,"Promise me you'll go home after this, and no where else." I agreed. My other uncle's place, where I was staying, was about one minute up the road, so I figured that's what I'd do.
I step inside the club, see some familiar faces, say hello, then make it to the bar. I got a cold pint of Carling and took a seat. I gulped it down, and figured I'd leave.
I begin my trek back. Walking home inebriated is my forte. I started college the year before, so I had a year's training and was a veteran. Piece of cake.
Just your typical Saturday night, see a few drunkards, some girls all dolled up for the evening. The house was around the bend and then it hit me. My ear drums rang with that oh-so-soothing sound of the Arctic Monkeys. I looked for the source of it and noticed that it emanated from a house party nearby.
The Arctic Monkeys have been my favorite band since their first album came out. I figured my cousins who live in England would be fans, but they weren't. I'd heard "I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor" in a bar once since I was there. I was underwhelmed.
But this. Finally someone who shared my taste. I need to go there! I debated whether or not to go to the party, which was sitting there, blasting the Monkeys like a Siren singing to me. After a drunken argument with myself, the music pulled me in.
I get to the door, which is surrounded by people enjoying a smoke after a beer. I muster all of my drunken courage, "I'm Thomas, I'm an American, and I love the Arctic Monkeys."
"Spot on, mate. I've never met an American before."
We were drunk. Obviously. I silently agreed to a line of questioning about America in exchange for all the booze I could drink.
It was a good time, finally hanging out with kids my age. We were there until about 4 am until the party died down. Then I finally made it home.
And let me tell you, 14 hours of drinking does not do a body good.
It started pretty normal for me, waking up at half past twelve with an awful hangover (I'd been drinking for two weeks straight) and no motivation. I knew I'd be going to a 'barbie' with one of my uncles, so I had a quick breakfast and my uncle picked me up and we were off.
I had met the guy who owned the place the night earlier. He can put a pint back like nothing, but I'm in my prime. He looks like your average Englishman: glasses, stout, mid-30s, but a cool guy nonetheless. He had a bar in his garage, a nice one at that.
Well, my uncle, this fella and a few other guys were drinking by 1:30 and the food was ready by 3, so it was your average barbecue. But this went on well into the night. We drank until at least midnight, and when it goes on that long, you're just going to want more.
The time to leave came, and I was begging my uncle to go to another pub or a club, anywhere that I could grab another pint. He was dressed in his finest swim trunks and flip-flops, so he had to decline. He did tell me he'd drop me off at the Irish Club near where I was staying, though.
So the taxi dropped me off, his parting words,"Promise me you'll go home after this, and no where else." I agreed. My other uncle's place, where I was staying, was about one minute up the road, so I figured that's what I'd do.
I step inside the club, see some familiar faces, say hello, then make it to the bar. I got a cold pint of Carling and took a seat. I gulped it down, and figured I'd leave.
I begin my trek back. Walking home inebriated is my forte. I started college the year before, so I had a year's training and was a veteran. Piece of cake.
Just your typical Saturday night, see a few drunkards, some girls all dolled up for the evening. The house was around the bend and then it hit me. My ear drums rang with that oh-so-soothing sound of the Arctic Monkeys. I looked for the source of it and noticed that it emanated from a house party nearby.
The Arctic Monkeys have been my favorite band since their first album came out. I figured my cousins who live in England would be fans, but they weren't. I'd heard "I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor" in a bar once since I was there. I was underwhelmed.
But this. Finally someone who shared my taste. I need to go there! I debated whether or not to go to the party, which was sitting there, blasting the Monkeys like a Siren singing to me. After a drunken argument with myself, the music pulled me in.
I get to the door, which is surrounded by people enjoying a smoke after a beer. I muster all of my drunken courage, "I'm Thomas, I'm an American, and I love the Arctic Monkeys."
"Spot on, mate. I've never met an American before."
We were drunk. Obviously. I silently agreed to a line of questioning about America in exchange for all the booze I could drink.
It was a good time, finally hanging out with kids my age. We were there until about 4 am until the party died down. Then I finally made it home.
And let me tell you, 14 hours of drinking does not do a body good.
Monday, October 1, 2007
Sorry...
It's been a while since I've posted, I know. I was all up in the British Isles and Ireland for a month there. I'll start posting again within the week and have some tales from the road as well.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Things to do in West Virginia:
1. Find hillbillies*. Check.
2. Drink cheap beer with said hillbillies**. Check.
3. Have jam session with said hillbillies***. Check.
4. Sleep under a bridge****. Check.
*West Virginian college kids are fantastic.
**Beer 30 ICE. About $4 for a 30 pack. With a slogan like "Anytime is the right time," you can't go wrong.
***Not necessarily with the folks we drank with, but it happened with hillbillies, so I'm counting it.
****I slept off the booze with a mandolin case as a pillow. It was pretty solid.
1. Find hillbillies*. Check.
2. Drink cheap beer with said hillbillies**. Check.
3. Have jam session with said hillbillies***. Check.
4. Sleep under a bridge****. Check.
*West Virginian college kids are fantastic.
**Beer 30 ICE. About $4 for a 30 pack. With a slogan like "Anytime is the right time," you can't go wrong.
***Not necessarily with the folks we drank with, but it happened with hillbillies, so I'm counting it.
****I slept off the booze with a mandolin case as a pillow. It was pretty solid.
Monday, June 4, 2007
Calling In Sick.
The best excuse ever: Diarrhea.
Seriously, call in sick for work or explain to your professor why you need to retake that midterm. Fuck dead family members, diarrhea is the best excuse ever. What is your boss/professor going to do? Here is a sample dialogue:
You: Sorry I couldn't come in, I had diarrhea.
Boss/Teacher: ...
You: It was really bad. Explosive to say the least.
Boss/Teacher: Uhm... well, you should take care of that.
You: Oh god, here it goes again. (run or put phone down)
Boss/Teacher: (disgusted look on his/her face)
Bonus points if your boss is of the opposite sex. Triple points if you return to work/school pale and smelling of week old cabbage. Hell, smear a chocolate bar on your pants, not that there is any extra work involved in this excuse.
Seriously, call in sick for work or explain to your professor why you need to retake that midterm. Fuck dead family members, diarrhea is the best excuse ever. What is your boss/professor going to do? Here is a sample dialogue:
You: Sorry I couldn't come in, I had diarrhea.
Boss/Teacher: ...
You: It was really bad. Explosive to say the least.
Boss/Teacher: Uhm... well, you should take care of that.
You: Oh god, here it goes again. (run or put phone down)
Boss/Teacher: (disgusted look on his/her face)
Bonus points if your boss is of the opposite sex. Triple points if you return to work/school pale and smelling of week old cabbage. Hell, smear a chocolate bar on your pants, not that there is any extra work involved in this excuse.
Sunday, June 3, 2007
Saturday, June 2, 2007
A Bit Of Current Events...
Dr. Jack Kevorkian was released from prison today. In other news, I just bought my grandmother a ticket to Michigan.
Why I Love Germany
I was in Germany last March, and I'm (probably) going back this summer. Anyways, I'm here trying to recall random factoids or quirks about the country, people or anything else Deutsch in nature that made me love the place. Here are what I have so far, but consider this to be part one in an ongoing series until I can dig up a few more memories.
1. They love beer there. (Very, very obvious)The drinking age is 16. I was 17 when I went. I had a good time.
2. Radio. I swear to god they have The Bloodhound Gang on loop there. If you've ever listened to them, you'd realize that they are actually a really good band. They have some amazing techno music, but the lyrics keep them from playing it on the radio stateside. Over there it's okay, because they can't understand the hilariously vulgar lyrics.
3. Wordplay. The German language is a beautiful thing. You can switch the place of one letter in a word and get a completely different one. An example is "schiesen" and "scheisen." The only difference is the "e" and "i" switching places, but the former means "to shoot" and the latter means "to shit." It's a beautiful thing. Anyways, there is a chain of stores in Germany called "Schlecker," and I was told that the new hobby of the roving gangs of German youths was to place an "AR" in front of the "Schlecker" signs, making it read "Arschlecker." Arschlecker, roughly translated, means "Ass taster" or "Ass licker." I thought it was pretty funny.
4. Clubs. Did you know that Europeans call Clubs "Discos"? For some reason that persuaded me into going. Alas, I got my hopes up. I expected tight pants and afros and I got tilted baseball caps and Sean John. I mean, I still got hammered, but it would have been better with John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever garbs. It would have also been better if I hadn't worn red leather pants. That chafed like a bitch.
5. They love foreigners. Wherever I was, there was a kid shouting "More beer for the American!" Then again, they could have just wanted to kill me. But, I did out-drink a German. The fact that he was a retarded dwarf with pneumonia made victory a little less sweet, though.
Eh, it's way to early on a Saturday for me to be writing. I'll think of more later.
1. They love beer there. (Very, very obvious)The drinking age is 16. I was 17 when I went. I had a good time.
2. Radio. I swear to god they have The Bloodhound Gang on loop there. If you've ever listened to them, you'd realize that they are actually a really good band. They have some amazing techno music, but the lyrics keep them from playing it on the radio stateside. Over there it's okay, because they can't understand the hilariously vulgar lyrics.
3. Wordplay. The German language is a beautiful thing. You can switch the place of one letter in a word and get a completely different one. An example is "schiesen" and "scheisen." The only difference is the "e" and "i" switching places, but the former means "to shoot" and the latter means "to shit." It's a beautiful thing. Anyways, there is a chain of stores in Germany called "Schlecker," and I was told that the new hobby of the roving gangs of German youths was to place an "AR" in front of the "Schlecker" signs, making it read "Arschlecker." Arschlecker, roughly translated, means "Ass taster" or "Ass licker." I thought it was pretty funny.
4. Clubs. Did you know that Europeans call Clubs "Discos"? For some reason that persuaded me into going. Alas, I got my hopes up. I expected tight pants and afros and I got tilted baseball caps and Sean John. I mean, I still got hammered, but it would have been better with John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever garbs. It would have also been better if I hadn't worn red leather pants. That chafed like a bitch.
5. They love foreigners. Wherever I was, there was a kid shouting "More beer for the American!" Then again, they could have just wanted to kill me. But, I did out-drink a German. The fact that he was a retarded dwarf with pneumonia made victory a little less sweet, though.
Eh, it's way to early on a Saturday for me to be writing. I'll think of more later.
Friday, June 1, 2007
Popular Song Titles in German
Wer Sind Sie - The Who
Noch Einmal - Daft Punk
Abasten Nicht Dies - MC Hammer
Sonntag Blutig Sonntag - U2
Mein Name Ist Jonas - Weezer
99 Luftballons - Nena
Noch Einmal - Daft Punk
Abasten Nicht Dies - MC Hammer
Sonntag Blutig Sonntag - U2
Mein Name Ist Jonas - Weezer
99 Luftballons - Nena
I don't even think this is funny, but...
I was at work the other night, bored out of my mind, when a co-worker and I decided on a fun game to play to pass the time. This may sound stupid, but it was rather entertaining: In any phrase, replace the word "shit" with the word "fuck" and vice versa. Some outcomes:
- I'm going to shit the fuck out of you.
- Shit you.
- Eat fuck and die.
- Fuck happens.
- I'm going to take a fuck.
I never said it was the classiest game ever, but for some reason it was really funny at the time. Eh, you win some, you lose some.
- I'm going to shit the fuck out of you.
- Shit you.
- Eat fuck and die.
- Fuck happens.
- I'm going to take a fuck.
I never said it was the classiest game ever, but for some reason it was really funny at the time. Eh, you win some, you lose some.
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